Hi,
Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you with my side of things. Em was pretty thorough in her answer. I'll just try to add some detail from my side of things.
I first encountered chastity devices (CDs) years ago through Tammad Rimilia's chastity belt site. Tammad had apparently already died but the page was still up. It seems to be gone now. Too bad. He seemed to be a very sincere guy on a kind of spiritual journey through his kinks. His site was full of personal experience, photos and erotica that got me really worked up about teasing/denial and chastity. From Tammad I found the holy grail of information, Altairboy's site.
At that period of our relationship, Em just gave me a sidelong glance, lumping this with all my other momentary obsessions, wondering how much all this might cost.
In the end, it cost a lot. One of the negatives in chastity play is that getting set up is expensive and nothing works quite as well on your body as the manufacturer's hypes promise they will.
We've gone through three Neosteel belts and settled on the one we both find works the best. Belts are the best, in terms of security but they are a hard thing to wear if you lead a normal or active daily life. The most I've been able to do is a week in the Neosteel before either some abrasion or genuine fatigue interferes.
The Curve has been the best for long-term wear but, as Em pointed out, it's not secure in terms of cumming. The vents allow you to get stuff inside that stimulates: water jets, Q-tips, etc. Doesn't take long for a horny guy to find a way. Also, out of the box, the Curve was too big for me. At the time, there was a guy in Atlanta that did modifications, so mine is shorter now and the pins are metal. The little thing may not prevent cumming but it's very confining and certainly prevents fucking (that other aspect of being denied) and does, to some degree, make cumming less pleasurable. I can wear this 24/7/365. That's a design acheivement. The similar CB3k and the new CB6k look like winners.
We tried a Lori Tube but she was a pain in the ass to deal with and turnaround times were so slow that it drove you crazy. Then, on top of that, nothing worked and the device was so heavy that my old very stable piercings began tearing. All I could do with the thing was use it as a paper weight. Eventually, we sold it.
Then I discovered Gerecke, a metal craftsman in Germany, that made a tube that seemed to combine the best of the Curve and Lori designs. It is my favorite device. I can wear it comfortably under my clothes around town and it is very secure. But I get abrasions behind my balls if my sac starts getting tight and then it has to come off. Again, I've made it about a week.
What I haven't explained is all the times I had to send stuff back to the various manufacturers for little adjustments, fine-tunings, replacement parts, etc. A lot of waiting and extra expense.
Still, Em and I really enjoy chastity play and I spend as much time as possible locked up. Less now due to having a toddler around the house. We're more relaxed about it. Sometimes I'm in, sometimes I'm out. Em gets horny and wants me to fuck her, so she lets me out. She calls the shots as it should be. I get more than my share of kicks.
As Em has pointed out, she gets off on the power over me, using it to frustrate me sexually and to get me to do stuff. I love being deep in the trippy space of denied submission, rubbing her feet, licking her pussy. The longer you're in, the less you want to cum. You crave cumming, of course, but you build up all this Tantric energy and after a while you begin to realize that cumming would just blow it. Then there's all the pleasure the Mistress gets.
The chastity/cuckolding combo is pure sex dynamite. We pretty much always need me locked for a while before Em does something special. I was locked up in the Neosteel belt when Em went to the happening bar with The Marine and that had a very powerful effect on me.
I find that chastity/teasing & denial teach a guy how vital foreplay is to a woman. Chastity is like foreplay. When Em finally lets me cum, the emotional as well as physical release is often overwhelming.
Chastity puts your ability to cum in your partner's hands, truly tipping the power dynamic in the keyholder's direction. Em really began feeling an addictive surge of power over me when she took that first key. It has unquestionably deepend my submission to her. Maybe being older has something to do with it. I would say that it's more of a psychological than a physical thing.
Femdom/male chastity/cuckolding is the dynamic that Em and I have grown into. This troika carries us to intense sexual highs and has made our sex life more intimate and way hot. I highly recommend that you and your wife give it a try.
Em is right about how power works on a woman's mind once the reality of it sets in. Go ahead, give your wife the key. I dare you.
POSTED BY scott
Friday, July 20, 2007
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Ask Emma 4
Dear Emma,
My wife is prepared to play along (and enjoys) with certain games
including "forced chastity" and "flirting with pretend cuckolding".
However, I have never had the balls (pun intended) to "hand over the
keys" permanently. The longest I have managed in a proper CB (an
Exobelt) is 102 hours (just over 4 days). She enjoys things like
facesitting when I'm locked up, which she doesn't usually want, but
most of the time she takes advantage by giving me more DIY tasks and
chores to do.
After 2-3 days of being teased, denied and locked up (combined with
her giving orders), I go mad with frustration and the game ends !! As
you wrote on your main site, ultimately 'control' is consensual, and
I'm not very good at consenting long term. Equally my wife is not very
good at denying me long term. She says it makes her feel "less
feminine" if she stops me topping from the bottom.
The idea of Scott going six months without release is incredible.
Equally, the thought that you could steel yourself to make him wait
that long is exciting. I would love to know both his thoughts and
yours once his denial gets into a few weeks and months. What is his
state of mind ? What is yours ? Does Scott think he could have handled
such a wait when he was younger (say in his 20s-30s) ? Do you find it
easier or harder to deny him now compared with when you first tried
it. Is chastity intrinsically linked to cuckolding for you both or
would you enjoy the chastity game even if you didn't cuckold ? Would
you enjoy cuckolding Scott if he was free to jerk off or is it a
necessity for you both that he has to suffer the double humiliation?
Many thanks.
Thanks a lot for this interesting quesion. I'm going to answer first and then I'll have scott answer in the next post. First off I think I would ask, Why do you want to go longer? Are you both happy with short chastity play? It seems like you do a lot of bedroom play and a little femdom household play. If that makes you both happy, then I would think that's good enough.
The fact that you are asking suggests that maybe you have a fanscination with longer play. When we did the six months, we were deep in a 24/7 femdom time that lasted almost a year in total. We were doing lots of daily rituals and play at that time and there was lots of "other" sex like oral. I would say, however, that I wouldn't be likely to do it again anytime soon.
I like chastity a lot. I think chastity is one of those games that truly puts the woman in control of things. That works for me. What doesn't work for me (something I had to learn by trying it) is arbitrary limits and rules. At the time we starting in chastity most of the things we were reading about it were people who were doing long-term denial so that became a focus. I think scott could/would more easily go into a long-term denial situation again than I would.
I don't like setting goals like "6 months." I prefer to say, "I have the key and let's see what I feel like doing." If I want to fuck him tomorrow, I do. If I don't want to have anything to do with him for a month, then I don't. I like to have control and the choice to do what I want, when I want. I really enjoy intercourse with scott. For me, it is a really important part of our sex life so I want to be able to do that when I feel like it. To me that's true femdom: the woman doing what she wants when she wants without having to negotiate about it.
I also don't feel that cuckolding "replaces" the sex that scott and I have. In fact recently, more often than not, I really want to fuck scott after fucking someone else. It's always really hot and intense with him after.
In terms of mindset, I think the devotion factor gets much much higher in long term denial with a sub. The idea that nothing is going to result in sexual release for the sub really changes the dynamics of how you play and the attitude of the sub. That part of things I enjoy a lot: just doing things for the sake of doing them and never worrying about whether scott is enjoying them on a sexual level.
I think we would both enjoy chastity without cuckolding. When we did 6 months I was NOT cuckolding him so it was very different than the kind of thing we do now. Chastity is much easier for both of us now emotionally but physically true long-term chastity is difficult. The Curve and other CB2000 type products are good for long-term games but like many people, scott found that he could get himself off while wearing it. Even though it is not that easy for him to orgasm with it on, it kind of reduced the impact of the device because scott could cum.
We tried a lot of other devices. We have a neosteel belt and a gerecke tube. Both which scott can't cum in but both of which are more difficult for long-term wear because of abrasion. We've recently been trying to work up to longer denial with these devices but after a few days there always seems to be some physical issue. So we try to switch off between devices. It's also harder to use some devices for long term because we live in such small quarters with a little kid. He can't really be wearing a neosteel belt and taking a two year old to the park or have her climbing on him.
I much prefer cuckolding when I know that scott is locked up. It's just more fun. It's not more sexual for me. It's more POWERFUL! I love knowing that he can't do anything by himself while I am doing EVERYTHING I want with someone else. I think that really works for him too.
I don't know if age plays a factor for scott. He's got a reasonably high sex drive. I think attitude when he was younger would have been the issue, fighting against the true control of a woman. I think all guys would be surprised at how if they were in chastity their wives wouldn't be as concerned about the sex part but would be really into the service part (like your wife giving you DIY tasks).
I don't know if I have really answered all your questions here but I'll have scott answer in another post. One thing I thought that was a little unusual in your question was the part where you said it makes your wife feel less feminine to really take charge. Is she just doing it for you? Or is she more of a sub and you switch?
I think it's fine for you to "top from the bottom" so to speak if that works for both of you. But overall it might be more satisfying in the long run for her to really start getting what she wants and not what she thinks you want. You both might surprise each other with what you can get up to that way.
My wife is prepared to play along (and enjoys) with certain games
including "forced chastity" and "flirting with pretend cuckolding".
However, I have never had the balls (pun intended) to "hand over the
keys" permanently. The longest I have managed in a proper CB (an
Exobelt) is 102 hours (just over 4 days). She enjoys things like
facesitting when I'm locked up, which she doesn't usually want, but
most of the time she takes advantage by giving me more DIY tasks and
chores to do.
After 2-3 days of being teased, denied and locked up (combined with
her giving orders), I go mad with frustration and the game ends !! As
you wrote on your main site, ultimately 'control' is consensual, and
I'm not very good at consenting long term. Equally my wife is not very
good at denying me long term. She says it makes her feel "less
feminine" if she stops me topping from the bottom.
The idea of Scott going six months without release is incredible.
Equally, the thought that you could steel yourself to make him wait
that long is exciting. I would love to know both his thoughts and
yours once his denial gets into a few weeks and months. What is his
state of mind ? What is yours ? Does Scott think he could have handled
such a wait when he was younger (say in his 20s-30s) ? Do you find it
easier or harder to deny him now compared with when you first tried
it. Is chastity intrinsically linked to cuckolding for you both or
would you enjoy the chastity game even if you didn't cuckold ? Would
you enjoy cuckolding Scott if he was free to jerk off or is it a
necessity for you both that he has to suffer the double humiliation?
Many thanks.
Thanks a lot for this interesting quesion. I'm going to answer first and then I'll have scott answer in the next post. First off I think I would ask, Why do you want to go longer? Are you both happy with short chastity play? It seems like you do a lot of bedroom play and a little femdom household play. If that makes you both happy, then I would think that's good enough.
The fact that you are asking suggests that maybe you have a fanscination with longer play. When we did the six months, we were deep in a 24/7 femdom time that lasted almost a year in total. We were doing lots of daily rituals and play at that time and there was lots of "other" sex like oral. I would say, however, that I wouldn't be likely to do it again anytime soon.
I like chastity a lot. I think chastity is one of those games that truly puts the woman in control of things. That works for me. What doesn't work for me (something I had to learn by trying it) is arbitrary limits and rules. At the time we starting in chastity most of the things we were reading about it were people who were doing long-term denial so that became a focus. I think scott could/would more easily go into a long-term denial situation again than I would.
I don't like setting goals like "6 months." I prefer to say, "I have the key and let's see what I feel like doing." If I want to fuck him tomorrow, I do. If I don't want to have anything to do with him for a month, then I don't. I like to have control and the choice to do what I want, when I want. I really enjoy intercourse with scott. For me, it is a really important part of our sex life so I want to be able to do that when I feel like it. To me that's true femdom: the woman doing what she wants when she wants without having to negotiate about it.
I also don't feel that cuckolding "replaces" the sex that scott and I have. In fact recently, more often than not, I really want to fuck scott after fucking someone else. It's always really hot and intense with him after.
In terms of mindset, I think the devotion factor gets much much higher in long term denial with a sub. The idea that nothing is going to result in sexual release for the sub really changes the dynamics of how you play and the attitude of the sub. That part of things I enjoy a lot: just doing things for the sake of doing them and never worrying about whether scott is enjoying them on a sexual level.
I think we would both enjoy chastity without cuckolding. When we did 6 months I was NOT cuckolding him so it was very different than the kind of thing we do now. Chastity is much easier for both of us now emotionally but physically true long-term chastity is difficult. The Curve and other CB2000 type products are good for long-term games but like many people, scott found that he could get himself off while wearing it. Even though it is not that easy for him to orgasm with it on, it kind of reduced the impact of the device because scott could cum.
We tried a lot of other devices. We have a neosteel belt and a gerecke tube. Both which scott can't cum in but both of which are more difficult for long-term wear because of abrasion. We've recently been trying to work up to longer denial with these devices but after a few days there always seems to be some physical issue. So we try to switch off between devices. It's also harder to use some devices for long term because we live in such small quarters with a little kid. He can't really be wearing a neosteel belt and taking a two year old to the park or have her climbing on him.
I much prefer cuckolding when I know that scott is locked up. It's just more fun. It's not more sexual for me. It's more POWERFUL! I love knowing that he can't do anything by himself while I am doing EVERYTHING I want with someone else. I think that really works for him too.
I don't know if age plays a factor for scott. He's got a reasonably high sex drive. I think attitude when he was younger would have been the issue, fighting against the true control of a woman. I think all guys would be surprised at how if they were in chastity their wives wouldn't be as concerned about the sex part but would be really into the service part (like your wife giving you DIY tasks).
I don't know if I have really answered all your questions here but I'll have scott answer in another post. One thing I thought that was a little unusual in your question was the part where you said it makes your wife feel less feminine to really take charge. Is she just doing it for you? Or is she more of a sub and you switch?
I think it's fine for you to "top from the bottom" so to speak if that works for both of you. But overall it might be more satisfying in the long run for her to really start getting what she wants and not what she thinks you want. You both might surprise each other with what you can get up to that way.
Ask Emma 3
Hi Emma,
You may remember that we chatted for a long time me, M, told you that I want my wife to cuckold me but she doesn't want. I told you that I want her to cuckold me with her previous boyfriend, V, who is 40. She is also 40.
When we were going out I allowed her to make love to him many times and I even ate all the cum he left in her a few times when she returned home. Once I returned from work early in the morning and went to pick her up at 7am at his house. She came and we went to a hotel and when I undressed her she had dried cum stains on her belly and a red spot where he had sucked her on her nable. I was excited and made love to her there and then lying on his dried sperm. She was well up to it then and we enjoyed many months of it.
One night he wanted her to go and spend the night with him but I was with her. She asked permission but I told her that I wanted her tonight but would allow her to spend until midnight with him and I will pick her up. She agreed and I drove her to his house but he insisted he wanted her all night or none at all. He asked me up and I told him that she could stay till midnight but he refused. Since then he has never called again and it went quiet.
That was from 1989-1990. I suspect she has had meetings with him thereafter and told her about it but she has denied it although I told her it was ok to tell me. I keep asking her over and over to do it taking breaks so she does not detest me. I then revived it again for her in 2000 with a doctor who she told me that has been telling her sweet words. He is very fat and she said that she did not think that she would like that.
Then came what I thought was my opportunity. Her first boyfriend went to her work and told her that he wanted her. She said told him that she would ask me first thinking that would send him away. She did and I told her that I was excited about it but that she and him needed to be discreet and went to lengths telling her how to make it look innocent. I would drive with her to a expensive hotel and let her slip away and pick her up. She appeared very excited and after a week she told me that she is wondering if that is what I really wanted. I told her yes. When he came back a few days after she told her yes but he had to get a room in the hotel. He said that he would not do that because it was too expensive and she got turned off saying that I have taken her there on no special occassion and he has refused. He blew it.
Lately I told her that I still wanted and she told me that if that happenned she will have to choose the man because she will have to open her legs. That excited me. I even called her V for her to talk to him but he was not there. I am trying but to no avail. I have sent emails to V using her email address telling him how much she wants him and he is saying that it is not right etc although he would want it she is married and he should stay out. I am wondering if I am losing the battle. Is there still hope you think?
I am hereby asking you to send her an email telling her that I have chatted to you and that you are in that lifestyle and how you and your husband cope with it. Tell her the good things about the lifestyle and how to cope with the problems that may arise. Tell her that we cuckolds do not stop loving our wives but just love to share them especially if their lover's had a big cock. Please be very graphic and honest with her as I want you to help me get her into bed with another man. Please help this desperate cuck. Her name is S. and her email is SXXXXX@yahoo.com.
Affectionately Yours,
M
Hi M,
Thanks for letting me use your letter as part of Ask Emma. I know you were basically looking for support and encouragement from me so let me just say upfront that you'll probably be disappointed with what I have to say. You might just want to stop reading now.
I thought a lot about your detailed story and whether or not it was real. Because it is so detailed and complicated I suspect at least some of it is real. If it is indeed true, then you don't want me writing to your wife! Trust me!
You called her old boyfriend to try to convince him to fuck her?
You used her email account to write to him?
You want me (a total stranger) to write to her and try to convince her to cuckold you?
Do these things seem normal to you? They don't to me.
If I were a friend of your wife, I would be asking her why she hadn't dumped you yet for being a manipulative jerk who thinks she is a sex toy.
You have NO RIGHT to EXPECT that she will cuckold you. This is an EXTREME fantasy. If she doesn't want to do it, then back off. Leave her alone.
You wrote me this letter after chatting with me ONCE. Why? Do you think cuckolding is a religion and I am trying convert women to it? Why would I care if your wife cuckolds you? Why would I try to help you manipulate her to do something she doesn't want to do? How would that be a good thing to do?
In the beginning she played a bit with this game. That was a LONG TIME ago and she was young and you weren't married. It ended because you decided that you needed to give her a curfew. You decided you needed CONTROL of the situation so you said, Okay but you have to be home by 12. Who are you? Her father? It is not up to you or her ex. It should be up to HER.
She is absolutely right about the hotel. YOU BLEW IT! Not her ex.
How romantic you are! "Oh baby, I want you to fuck your ex in this swank hotel so I can get my rocks off but I wouldn't dream of actually PAYING for the hotel room. Your lover should do that. And I would never take you to an expensive hotel myself say for your birthday or anniversay, just when I want you to fuck your ex while I jack myself off."
I'm sure you aren't (or at least I hope you aren't) after her all the time about this but from what you write I would think she's not real happy about your on-going requests for this fantasy.
She's told you she might do it if she meets the right guy and decides herself. THAT IS GREAT! You have no business to ask for or expect more.
If you love this woman, let her choose the guy to cuckold you with WHEN and IF SHE WANTS! Otherwise, leave her alone about it.
Emma
You may remember that we chatted for a long time me, M, told you that I want my wife to cuckold me but she doesn't want. I told you that I want her to cuckold me with her previous boyfriend, V, who is 40. She is also 40.
When we were going out I allowed her to make love to him many times and I even ate all the cum he left in her a few times when she returned home. Once I returned from work early in the morning and went to pick her up at 7am at his house. She came and we went to a hotel and when I undressed her she had dried cum stains on her belly and a red spot where he had sucked her on her nable. I was excited and made love to her there and then lying on his dried sperm. She was well up to it then and we enjoyed many months of it.
One night he wanted her to go and spend the night with him but I was with her. She asked permission but I told her that I wanted her tonight but would allow her to spend until midnight with him and I will pick her up. She agreed and I drove her to his house but he insisted he wanted her all night or none at all. He asked me up and I told him that she could stay till midnight but he refused. Since then he has never called again and it went quiet.
That was from 1989-1990. I suspect she has had meetings with him thereafter and told her about it but she has denied it although I told her it was ok to tell me. I keep asking her over and over to do it taking breaks so she does not detest me. I then revived it again for her in 2000 with a doctor who she told me that has been telling her sweet words. He is very fat and she said that she did not think that she would like that.
Then came what I thought was my opportunity. Her first boyfriend went to her work and told her that he wanted her. She said told him that she would ask me first thinking that would send him away. She did and I told her that I was excited about it but that she and him needed to be discreet and went to lengths telling her how to make it look innocent. I would drive with her to a expensive hotel and let her slip away and pick her up. She appeared very excited and after a week she told me that she is wondering if that is what I really wanted. I told her yes. When he came back a few days after she told her yes but he had to get a room in the hotel. He said that he would not do that because it was too expensive and she got turned off saying that I have taken her there on no special occassion and he has refused. He blew it.
Lately I told her that I still wanted and she told me that if that happenned she will have to choose the man because she will have to open her legs. That excited me. I even called her V for her to talk to him but he was not there. I am trying but to no avail. I have sent emails to V using her email address telling him how much she wants him and he is saying that it is not right etc although he would want it she is married and he should stay out. I am wondering if I am losing the battle. Is there still hope you think?
I am hereby asking you to send her an email telling her that I have chatted to you and that you are in that lifestyle and how you and your husband cope with it. Tell her the good things about the lifestyle and how to cope with the problems that may arise. Tell her that we cuckolds do not stop loving our wives but just love to share them especially if their lover's had a big cock. Please be very graphic and honest with her as I want you to help me get her into bed with another man. Please help this desperate cuck. Her name is S. and her email is SXXXXX@yahoo.com.
Affectionately Yours,
M
Hi M,
Thanks for letting me use your letter as part of Ask Emma. I know you were basically looking for support and encouragement from me so let me just say upfront that you'll probably be disappointed with what I have to say. You might just want to stop reading now.
I thought a lot about your detailed story and whether or not it was real. Because it is so detailed and complicated I suspect at least some of it is real. If it is indeed true, then you don't want me writing to your wife! Trust me!
You called her old boyfriend to try to convince him to fuck her?
You used her email account to write to him?
You want me (a total stranger) to write to her and try to convince her to cuckold you?
Do these things seem normal to you? They don't to me.
If I were a friend of your wife, I would be asking her why she hadn't dumped you yet for being a manipulative jerk who thinks she is a sex toy.
You have NO RIGHT to EXPECT that she will cuckold you. This is an EXTREME fantasy. If she doesn't want to do it, then back off. Leave her alone.
You wrote me this letter after chatting with me ONCE. Why? Do you think cuckolding is a religion and I am trying convert women to it? Why would I care if your wife cuckolds you? Why would I try to help you manipulate her to do something she doesn't want to do? How would that be a good thing to do?
In the beginning she played a bit with this game. That was a LONG TIME ago and she was young and you weren't married. It ended because you decided that you needed to give her a curfew. You decided you needed CONTROL of the situation so you said, Okay but you have to be home by 12. Who are you? Her father? It is not up to you or her ex. It should be up to HER.
She is absolutely right about the hotel. YOU BLEW IT! Not her ex.
How romantic you are! "Oh baby, I want you to fuck your ex in this swank hotel so I can get my rocks off but I wouldn't dream of actually PAYING for the hotel room. Your lover should do that. And I would never take you to an expensive hotel myself say for your birthday or anniversay, just when I want you to fuck your ex while I jack myself off."
I'm sure you aren't (or at least I hope you aren't) after her all the time about this but from what you write I would think she's not real happy about your on-going requests for this fantasy.
She's told you she might do it if she meets the right guy and decides herself. THAT IS GREAT! You have no business to ask for or expect more.
If you love this woman, let her choose the guy to cuckold you with WHEN and IF SHE WANTS! Otherwise, leave her alone about it.
Emma
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