ASK EMMA 5

Hi Emma and scott,

My wife and I love your blog and hope you continue to write even through the big life changes you are currently making and we hope it all goes well for you.

We are 38 and have been together since we were teenagers.

We aspire to live a life similar to yours and have been using a chastity belt for some years now. After some starting troubles I now have a secure and comfortable MsLori tube which is 100% effective for us.

I have noticed that after being denied for weeks I stop getting hard in the night and my libido drops and that affects my service. The whole D/s dynamic with my wife starts to fail as I lose the urge to cum. I am pretty sure it's not a medical problem of any kind, it just seems to be a reaction to the intense play.

Have you experienced this effect in Scott and how do you get through it?

The only way we have found is to take the belt off for several weeks and try and get me used to cumming everyday again but even this isn't really working now.
dave



Just wanted to clarify -- after you are in denial for a time and then your wife lets you out, you actually can't cum? And it takes some time to work back up to cumming easily? Is that correct? We just want to be sure we understand the situation completely before responding.
Emma



Hi Emma,
Sorry my mail wasn't very clear.

I can certainly cum after release, and then again within a short time but by the next day my libido drops dramatically and for many days or a couple of weeks. I don't get hard or even feel like wanting it to.

It seems that the more intense the teasing and denial the longer and deeper the period when I don't feel like sex much.

It's like some extra Newtonian law of "equal and opposite reactions" :-)

I am sure nothing is anything is broken, it just seems like a natural body reaction that others may have experienced.

dave


Hi Dave,

Well first let me say thanks for being patient about a response. Things are hectic and though I've been meaning to respond to your letter for a long time, I just haven't gotten the chance until now.

I think one of the things that Scott and I have really learned with everything and particularly chastity play is that you have to put who you really are in line with how you play. I mean this both psychologlically and physically. As you play more and more, you learn more about your body and your sex drive. You have to adjust your play accordingly.

One of the main things I notice about Scott is that after he's been in chastity a while, and especially if there is a lot of teasing and arousal but no orgasms for him (my favorite game), is that he starts to become a pest. He starts pawing me a lot more (if we are in bed he'll be fondling me and begging for some kind of attention all the time) and he gets to a point were he starts talking about sex constantly. This is, of course, is pretty natural but I find it annoying. So I have to start thinking about how much I want to deal with it and do I want to let him cum just to stop it.

I think getting really intensely aroused and cumming and then not being interested for a while seems pretty normal. We (both of us) go through periods in which we aren't interested in sex as much and that's often after we gone through a pretty intense period. I do notice that Scott's interest level goes down after he's cum but maybe just not to the degree that you are talking about. Perhaps you use up more sexual energy or something or maybe you get intensely satiated. Who knows why it happens.

I'd guess that if you can cum regularly when you are out of chastity that there isn't a physical issue but it's about the game. So you just have to adjust your play to accomodate that. Think about how you can make the most of your play while taking this reality into account. If it doesn't bother either of you to take a break after a long play period then that might work.

Or maybe you could shorten the time you are in chastity and cum more often. See if shorter periods fits your rythmn better. Maybe cumming more at random would work. Your wife might take you out everyday and jack you off to orgasm and then put you right back in and do the same thing everyday for a week and then deny you for a week. Maybe your body is "learning" the up and down cycle that exists now and if you shake things up, it will respond differently.

If what is happening now seems to create problems for you, then definitely try different things until you think you have something you can both live with.

You don't have to follow anybody else's rules or goals. I'm not saying you are doing that but it's just so easy to read stuff on the internet that someone claims to be doing and think that's what you should be doing to or that's how your body and mind should react. It's really about finding out what works for you and what makes you have the most fun.

One thing that works for us is a lot of teasing to get Scott back into a frenzy after he has cum. Are you able to get an erection in those down periods? If not, this might not work. Is there any discomfort or pain with the tube when you are aroused? That might be impacting how your body reacts to arousal.

Anyway, those are just some of my thoughts on the subject. I don't know that any of that helps you. Feel free to respond in the comments if you want to continue the exchange.
Best,
Emma