Thursday, July 5, 2007

Ask Emma 4

Dear Emma,

My wife is prepared to play along (and enjoys) with certain games
including "forced chastity" and "flirting with pretend cuckolding".
However, I have never had the balls (pun intended) to "hand over the
keys" permanently. The longest I have managed in a proper CB (an
Exobelt) is 102 hours (just over 4 days). She enjoys things like
facesitting when I'm locked up, which she doesn't usually want, but
most of the time she takes advantage by giving me more DIY tasks and
chores to do.

After 2-3 days of being teased, denied and locked up (combined with
her giving orders), I go mad with frustration and the game ends !! As
you wrote on your main site, ultimately 'control' is consensual, and
I'm not very good at consenting long term. Equally my wife is not very
good at denying me long term. She says it makes her feel "less
feminine" if she stops me topping from the bottom.

The idea of Scott going six months without release is incredible.
Equally, the thought that you could steel yourself to make him wait
that long is exciting. I would love to know both his thoughts and
yours once his denial gets into a few weeks and months. What is his
state of mind ? What is yours ? Does Scott think he could have handled
such a wait when he was younger (say in his 20s-30s) ? Do you find it
easier or harder to deny him now compared with when you first tried
it. Is chastity intrinsically linked to cuckolding for you both or
would you enjoy the chastity game even if you didn't cuckold ? Would
you enjoy cuckolding Scott if he was free to jerk off or is it a
necessity for you both that he has to suffer the double humiliation?

Many thanks.

Thanks a lot for this interesting quesion. I'm going to answer first and then I'll have scott answer in the next post. First off I think I would ask, Why do you want to go longer? Are you both happy with short chastity play? It seems like you do a lot of bedroom play and a little femdom household play. If that makes you both happy, then I would think that's good enough.

The fact that you are asking suggests that maybe you have a fanscination with longer play. When we did the six months, we were deep in a 24/7 femdom time that lasted almost a year in total. We were doing lots of daily rituals and play at that time and there was lots of "other" sex like oral. I would say, however, that I wouldn't be likely to do it again anytime soon.

I like chastity a lot. I think chastity is one of those games that truly puts the woman in control of things. That works for me. What doesn't work for me (something I had to learn by trying it) is arbitrary limits and rules. At the time we starting in chastity most of the things we were reading about it were people who were doing long-term denial so that became a focus. I think scott could/would more easily go into a long-term denial situation again than I would.

I don't like setting goals like "6 months." I prefer to say, "I have the key and let's see what I feel like doing." If I want to fuck him tomorrow, I do. If I don't want to have anything to do with him for a month, then I don't. I like to have control and the choice to do what I want, when I want. I really enjoy intercourse with scott. For me, it is a really important part of our sex life so I want to be able to do that when I feel like it. To me that's true femdom: the woman doing what she wants when she wants without having to negotiate about it.

I also don't feel that cuckolding "replaces" the sex that scott and I have. In fact recently, more often than not, I really want to fuck scott after fucking someone else. It's always really hot and intense with him after.

In terms of mindset, I think the devotion factor gets much much higher in long term denial with a sub. The idea that nothing is going to result in sexual release for the sub really changes the dynamics of how you play and the attitude of the sub. That part of things I enjoy a lot: just doing things for the sake of doing them and never worrying about whether scott is enjoying them on a sexual level.

I think we would both enjoy chastity without cuckolding. When we did 6 months I was NOT cuckolding him so it was very different than the kind of thing we do now. Chastity is much easier for both of us now emotionally but physically true long-term chastity is difficult. The Curve and other CB2000 type products are good for long-term games but like many people, scott found that he could get himself off while wearing it. Even though it is not that easy for him to orgasm with it on, it kind of reduced the impact of the device because scott could cum.

We tried a lot of other devices. We have a neosteel belt and a gerecke tube. Both which scott can't cum in but both of which are more difficult for long-term wear because of abrasion. We've recently been trying to work up to longer denial with these devices but after a few days there always seems to be some physical issue. So we try to switch off between devices. It's also harder to use some devices for long term because we live in such small quarters with a little kid. He can't really be wearing a neosteel belt and taking a two year old to the park or have her climbing on him.

I much prefer cuckolding when I know that scott is locked up. It's just more fun. It's not more sexual for me. It's more POWERFUL! I love knowing that he can't do anything by himself while I am doing EVERYTHING I want with someone else. I think that really works for him too.

I don't know if age plays a factor for scott. He's got a reasonably high sex drive. I think attitude when he was younger would have been the issue, fighting against the true control of a woman. I think all guys would be surprised at how if they were in chastity their wives wouldn't be as concerned about the sex part but would be really into the service part (like your wife giving you DIY tasks).

I don't know if I have really answered all your questions here but I'll have scott answer in another post. One thing I thought that was a little unusual in your question was the part where you said it makes your wife feel less feminine to really take charge. Is she just doing it for you? Or is she more of a sub and you switch?

I think it's fine for you to "top from the bottom" so to speak if that works for both of you. But overall it might be more satisfying in the long run for her to really start getting what she wants and not what she thinks you want. You both might surprise each other with what you can get up to that way.


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