Friday, July 20, 2007

Scott's Response to Ask Emma #4

Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you with my side of things. Em was pretty thorough in her answer. I'll just try to add some detail from my side of things.

I first encountered chastity devices (CDs) years ago through Tammad Rimilia's chastity belt site. Tammad had apparently already died but the page was still up. It seems to be gone now. Too bad. He seemed to be a very sincere guy on a kind of spiritual journey through his kinks. His site was full of personal experience, photos and erotica that got me really worked up about teasing/denial and chastity. From Tammad I found the holy grail of information, Altairboy's site.

At that period of our relationship, Em just gave me a sidelong glance, lumping this with all my other momentary obsessions, wondering how much all this might cost.

In the end, it cost a lot. One of the negatives in chastity play is that getting set up is expensive and nothing works quite as well on your body as the manufacturer's hypes promise they will.

We've gone through three Neosteel belts and settled on the one we both find works the best. Belts are the best, in terms of security but they are a hard thing to wear if you lead a normal or active daily life. The most I've been able to do is a week in the Neosteel before either some abrasion or genuine fatigue interferes.

The Curve has been the best for long-term wear but, as Em pointed out, it's not secure in terms of cumming. The vents allow you to get stuff inside that stimulates: water jets, Q-tips, etc. Doesn't take long for a horny guy to find a way. Also, out of the box, the Curve was too big for me. At the time, there was a guy in Atlanta that did modifications, so mine is shorter now and the pins are metal. The little thing may not prevent cumming but it's very confining and certainly prevents fucking (that other aspect of being denied) and does, to some degree, make cumming less pleasurable. I can wear this 24/7/365. That's a design acheivement. The similar CB3k and the new CB6k look like winners.

We tried a Lori Tube but she was a pain in the ass to deal with and turnaround times were so slow that it drove you crazy. Then, on top of that, nothing worked and the device was so heavy that my old very stable piercings began tearing. All I could do with the thing was use it as a paper weight. Eventually, we sold it.

Then I discovered Gerecke, a metal craftsman in Germany, that made a tube that seemed to combine the best of the Curve and Lori designs. It is my favorite device. I can wear it comfortably under my clothes around town and it is very secure. But I get abrasions behind my balls if my sac starts getting tight and then it has to come off. Again, I've made it about a week.

What I haven't explained is all the times I had to send stuff back to the various manufacturers for little adjustments, fine-tunings, replacement parts, etc. A lot of waiting and extra expense.

Still, Em and I really enjoy chastity play and I spend as much time as possible locked up. Less now due to having a toddler around the house. We're more relaxed about it. Sometimes I'm in, sometimes I'm out. Em gets horny and wants me to fuck her, so she lets me out. She calls the shots as it should be. I get more than my share of kicks.

As Em has pointed out, she gets off on the power over me, using it to frustrate me sexually and to get me to do stuff. I love being deep in the trippy space of denied submission, rubbing her feet, licking her pussy. The longer you're in, the less you want to cum. You crave cumming, of course, but you build up all this Tantric energy and after a while you begin to realize that cumming would just blow it. Then there's all the pleasure the Mistress gets.

The chastity/cuckolding combo is pure sex dynamite. We pretty much always need me locked for a while before Em does something special. I was locked up in the Neosteel belt when Em went to the happening bar with The Marine and that had a very powerful effect on me.

I find that chastity/teasing & denial teach a guy how vital foreplay is to a woman. Chastity is like foreplay. When Em finally lets me cum, the emotional as well as physical release is often overwhelming.

Chastity puts your ability to cum in your partner's hands, truly tipping the power dynamic in the keyholder's direction. Em really began feeling an addictive surge of power over me when she took that first key. It has unquestionably deepend my submission to her. Maybe being older has something to do with it. I would say that it's more of a psychological than a physical thing.

Femdom/male chastity/cuckolding is the dynamic that Em and I have grown into. This troika carries us to intense sexual highs and has made our sex life more intimate and way hot. I highly recommend that you and your wife give it a try.

Em is right about how power works on a woman's mind once the reality of it sets in. Go ahead, give your wife the key. I dare you.



helpmate hubby said...

i have a question for you:

You mentioned on the " site that you have some fantasies that you think are really hot but would not want to experience in reality. I'm curious what those are?

Catwomanslair said...


Great post. I appreciate all of your details about you and your Wife's adventures with chastity devices. Your experience is similar to ours. We have not been through as many devices as you, but S2c's feedback about them is much like yours. S2c is very physically active and we had to forego many of the devices because they were too impractical for our vanilla lifestyles.

The reality is that at this time, there is no perfect mousetrap. A couple interested in chastity has to find a device that suits them and a means of using it that fits them, not some idealized concept. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Hi Emma,

Thanks for the responses. Very interesting.

Emma first (naturally !): You ask why do I /we want to go longer ? The short answer is that I'm not sure I do. I was mainly intrigued by how Scott coped for 6 months, or even 6 days ! I don't think I could. But the longer answer is that, yes, deep down I would like to give it a try. As you said, I have a morbid fascination with the thought. I
like the idea of being "trained". Adding a day each time, so 4, then 5, then 6, etc.

You also said you like chastity a lot. My wife doesn't 'get it' as anything more than a short term game. She is at most a switch and is more comfortable in the sub than dom role. It's not that
she doesn't enjoy switching occasionally but it's just a role play.

I'm sure you're right that if she would be prepared to take control (rather than me 'topping from the bottom') she'd get more out of it. But I think it would need to be 'real' for it to work and that's the
hard part. Intellectually she is entirely accepting of gender equality and even fem-dom, but emotionally she likes men to wear the pants in a
marriage and she doesn't find it easy to do that (or to see me giving up the pants, so to speak).

Moving on, I found your statement that you enjoy sex with Scott as well as cuckolding him rang very true. Too often 'cuck literature' portrays the opposite. That's fine in obvious fantasy but if one is striving for a note of realism in a story, it must be more common to feel like you do. However, I did find it a shame that you didn't cuck
Scott during his 6 month denial.

I think a very erotic fantasy would be a wife conducting an entire relationship during a single denial period. The husband would be locked up and only then would her search for a new boyfriend begin. He'd have to please her (oral etc.) for a while until she found the right guy, with a bit of dating and dining thrown in, then she'd fuck the guy, and go through the frantic lustful
few months of a 'new body', before interest waned and she split up with him. A bit more oral during the 'coming down' period before, finally, she deigns to unlock her husband and have intercourse with him again.

Sorry for that little digression. I loved how you said you enjoy just doing things for the sake of doing them (with Scott in chastity). I find it very interesting – if a little baffling – how my wife only
enjoys facesitting during a 3-4 day roleplay. She enjoys oral with me licking her pretty much any time but she rejects any suggestion that
she sit on me and take the initiative during our 'normal' sex life. She won't even talk about it when I've tried to psychoanalyze her!

Now Scott: It's interesting your experience with CBs. I've only owned two. A CB2000 that I bought a while ago and an Exobelt that my wife
got me online last Christmas ! The CB was really a bit of a toy. The Exo is a far more effective piece of kit. I don't know if I'm lucky but it seems to fit me just right and I don't get any discomfort
(except driving in my car which can rub a bit using the pedals on a long journey). In my experience it's 100% effective.

Of course, the irony of the whole thing is that, precisely because you are in such a hot relationship, your sex life is probably more
satisfying than 99% of others. You are dommed, chaste and cucked, yet most men with the freedom to do as they like, don't get even half the
kicks you get in a CB ! I am not one, but there must be zillions of guys who at least think they'd love to live a life like yours, even if loads would probably wimp out if confronted by the reality. In my view, that's why cuckolding has such a strong representation in fiction (and fiction masquerading as fact). It's actually a huge fantasy but neither husbands nor wives actually want to live it out.
Bravo to you and Em for going that step beyond (or several steps
actually !).

The tantric energy comment was interesting. I doubt I've ever been chaste long enough to develop any tantric energy ! I would imagine
that being locked (especially if it's a bit painful not being able to erect) while your wife or girlfriend is fucking somebody else must be pure dynamite. I don't have cucking fantasies except in an abstract
sense. I don't want to see my own wife with somebody else. But I would want to see my 'fantasy wife'. However, in my fantasy world I'm
actually more often the wife, or the boyfriend/bull, so I think I must be more dominant than submissive, underneath it all.

Your right. Chastity, teasing and denial are great for teaching foreplay. I'm crap at foreplay most of the time. In fact, that is partly circumstantial. Too often we wait until going to bed at midnight before having sex. But if we are having what we call a "scenario" (her as sub) or a chastity roleplay for me (her as dom), then we often have sex at any hour of the day, which usually gives much more time for foreplay. I give her a much better time when I'm domming her than when it's a boring old vanilla wham-bam before sleep.

Many thanks. Feel free to post any/all of this reply on your Ask Emma
site if you wish.